How not to worry about what others think.
I think, for me this has been one of the hardest lessons to learn and I am still struggling with it from time to time.
Do you recognise the feeling or sensation someone is constantly watching over your shoulder or listening to what you have to say. When you turn around, of course there is no one there, but as soon as you start to focus again on putting yourself out there, those eyes and/or voice is back again.
Let’s dive a little bit deeper into what happens and what YOU can do to stop worrying about what other people say.
How to stop worrying what other people say?
The need for external validation can become engrained in your body and when that happens you’ll give away your inner authority.
When you give away your inner authority it means that you start putting more value to the opinions of others and that eventually these opinions stop you from having your own voice.
Over time I start putting more value on the opinions of others. And to the imaginary voice in the back of my mind.
Whenever I wanted to put myself out there (for example on social media) I could feel the energy and hear that voice in the back of my mind telling me what a certain person might think of this. “Who do you think you are by posting this!! No one wants to read this!!”
And because I had given this voice so much power, I would listen and would hide in the background. For a while I was able to fight this voice by willpower, but over time this costs a lot of energy and there came a moment I’d run out and would just hide.
When you seek the validation of others you put yourself and what you want on the line. You no longer listen to your own voice, to your own thoughts and your own feelings. They don’t matter anymore, you don’t matter anymore.
The need for external validation in combination with personalising.
The need for external validation in combination with personalising will also determine how you feel and what you do. Your actions, feelings and thoughts depend on the other (the imaginary voice).
For example; when someone expresses to be unhappy about something (“I am unhappy about the progress of this project”) you can take this very personal and think it is your fault that the other person is unhappy even when the other person has not mentioned anyone else.
How to not care what other people think of you.
When I first started out on my entrepreneurial journey promoting yourself was very different. You would just put an ad in a magazine, show yourself on an event and network by contacting people by email or phone. There was no such things a social media.
Nowadays you have to show yourself EVERYWHERE, meaning you have to put yourself out there. Your story matters.
I started to notice over the years that the more social media was taking over, the more my need for external validation started to grow. I needed people to tell me I was doing the right thing, that they liked what I had to say and share.
But when it came to a point where I noticed I got too nervous about sharing my own voice, it was time for a change. Through coaching I learned how to take ownership of my own powers back. How to re-connect with my inner authority. This has made a huge difference. I no longer let my emotions and thoughts depend on the outside world. I am in control of my own voice again and if someone doesn’t like what I have to tell they can stop listening instead of me changing my story.
And I will no longer take it personal when someone decides to unfollow me.
My FREE tips for you to stop worrying what other people say:
The following are 3 easy steps you can take yourself and are a great start to take back your inner authority.
1) Turn down the noise! What do I mean with this. There is you (internal) and there is the outside world (external) including that voice in the back of your head and those eyes watching over your shoulder. When you notice that you’ve started to give the outside world too much power it is time to turn down the volume and get back in control.
Close your eyes for a moment and think how you sense the external world around you. There is no right or wrong. How much noise does the external world make. How loud do you hear those voices, the comments and the feedback?
Now turn down the volume of these sounds till it gets to a level that it is no longer effecting you.
Every time those sounds get louder again, you have the power to turn the volume down again.
2) What about those eyes watching over your shoulder? Are they from your boss, your partner, a friend or maybe even a stranger on social media?
Close your eyes for a moment and sense how closely you feel those eyes around you. Are they literally on your shoulder? How close do you like them so it feels comfortable?
Next, think of yourself (internal) being inside a balloon. The external world is outside of the balloon. You can blow up the balloon as much and as big as you want and by doing so you place the outside world further away from you so that their presence does not longer effect you. They are still there but their opinions can’t influence you anymore.
3) You might need to get creative with turning down the noise and blowing up your balloon. Maybe you have to get off social media for a while to cut out the noise coming from one of the platforms. Maybe you want to clean out your mailbox and unsubscribe from certain newsletters.
INVITATION TO WORK WITH ME
If you realise that after reading this post you could use a bit more help, check out my Wander with Purpose Coaching Program.
Owning your own powers, taking back the control of your own voice and getting rid of the need for external validation is part of finding your authentic self again.
Being who you were meant to be!
And who doesn’t want that?